We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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