Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
