no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
