whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
