True but thats because hes a fetus.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You smell like stripper and shame
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
