HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
