A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
