his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
