remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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