SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
