so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
