At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
