weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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