It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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