i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
