I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
