At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
