I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
