I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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