Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
