you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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