sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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