I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
