I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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