You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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