Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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