There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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