I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
