i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
