You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
