I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
