lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
