grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
