plz talk dirty to me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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