Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
