I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
