I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
