you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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