This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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