wat bout pragnant strippers??
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
