You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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