never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
