I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
