I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
