i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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