Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You dont lie about slip and slides
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
