You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
