Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
wow bdsm is so cute
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