I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
