At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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