I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
