I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
