her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
