No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
