Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
