I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
