She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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